The following is excerpted from the upcoming book Hockey?! naturally with all rights reserved to the author. The book is due sometime in 2030.
Hockey has a long and storied history, especially in Canada where it falls somewhere on the life scale between “total immersion” and “near total immersion”. Hockey is religon for Canadians and if you do not believe me skip ahead toChapter 9: How Much Hockey Matters to Canadians – A History of Brutal Riots (Now updated throught 2011!).
Hockey is taken very seriously by Canadians and so is the storied history of our games; franchises and Stanley Cups. For example: any Canadian can tell you not only the last year their team made the Stanley Cup Finals but who they played and how they were robbed / cheated / outright assaulted by their thieving / cheating / baby stealing opponents. We can also provide a frightening amount of details on the last Canadian team to actually raise the Cup – 1993 Montral Canadians. Led by a young Patrick Roy they took down the presumptive champs and Hockey’s GOAT Wayne Gretzky and the Los Angeles Kings.
What has followed for Canadian fans has been a legacy of disappointment, pain, anger and the aforementioned thievery by various American teams and “Satan-as-he-walks-on-Earth (aka Gary Bettman).
Yet, we are not here to discuss the anguish and misery Canadian hockey fans have felt for more than a generation; rather this chapter will be an opportunity to look back at the glorious history and beauty of the game – from the very beginning. Why are Canadians (and other smaller market Hockey fans American Fans) so enthralled by this beautiful game? I present a brief completely biased history of the game.
1) 1970 – The Vancouver Canucks, the last “original six” team joins the league. NHL Hockey officially begins.
2) 1982 – A Sub-.500 Canucks team, led by NHL Legend Stan “the Man” Smyl makes the playoffs. They proceed on one of the most unlikely runs to the Stanley Cup in the “brief” history of the NHL (*remember the league only started in 1970) before running smack into the New York Islanders dynasty. If only this was the only time a New York team had ended the Cup run of the greatest team in NHL history…
3) 1983-1990 – The presumptive “Canucks Dynasty” does not gain enough momentum and is pushed aside by another rising Canadian team: The Edmonton Oilers. For the rest of the 1980’s (and 1990) they are the most stacked team in hockey. Through some form of scorcery or chicanary or hijinkary, the Oilers somehow stockpile 5 of the top 20 players in NHL History for more than six years – Wayne Gretzky, Mark Messier, Paul Coffey, Jari Kurri, Grant Fuhr. Despite valient Canuck efforts the Oilers win 5 cups (one of them in 1990 despite trading the GOAT Wayne Gretzky. That is how stacked they were – they traded the “Michael Jordan” of Hockey and still won another Cup. You could try and chalk it up to their Hall of Fame Goaltender Grant Fuhr…except he was not playing. The Oilers backup, Bill Ranford, backstopped them to the ’90 Cup. For crying out loud!)
4) 1988 – 1989 – In successive drafts, two gifts from the Hockey Gods arrive in Vancouver. One was a stoic, hard-working young player destined to become the greatest Captain in NHL History. The other descended on a lightening bolt from Zeus and was blessed with once in a generation talent. Unfortunately, he was Russian – so for our purposes here we will describe him as “semi-Canadian”. The two players – Trevor Linden and Pavel Bure – would become the core of the Canucks resurrection from Edmonton-related purgatory.
5) 1994 – The Canucks, led by Captain Trevor Linden, scoring machine Pavel Bure and goaltender “Captain” Kirk McLean make a compelling run to the Stanley Cup Finals. Through a series of heroics that deserve their own book and cannot possibly be described in a few wretched sentences, the team seemed fated to take their first title. Standing in their way? The best New York Rangers team ever produced (I know you what you are thinking and yes…f–king New York again). Despite being overmatched and outmanned the Canucks take the series to 7 games where, had the net been 2 inches wider would have seen the Canucks pulling off one of the biggest upsets over a Mark Messier led team. Additionally there would have been a statue of Trevor Linden outside of the Pacific Coliseum GM Place Rogers Arena. Instead the city rioted (I told you earlier, we do not take losses well see Chapter 9) and we are left with a statue of a man named Roger Nielsen outside our Arena. Nielsen is famous for literally waving a white flag. Which, ironically, Canucks fans took on to inspire their team to victory in future seasons (We really, really, really need a Stanley Cup).
6) 2001 – 2005 – The “West Coast Express Line” (Markus Nasland, Todd Bertuzzi and Brenden Morrison) comes to Vancouver and fails to deliever on their tantalizing playoff potential year after year because their goaltender, Dan Cloutier, has an affinity for letting in 250 ft shots.
7) March 8, 2004 – In one of the worst moments in NHL History, Colorado Avalanche forward Steve Moore is grabbed and punched in the back of the head by bruising traitor Todd Bertuzzi. It was like watching a wrestling moment where someone randomly decides to become the king of the bad guys. Bertuzzi was suspended, a promising Cup contender was dismantled and the Canucks were dead for the next five years. Thank you, mediocre at best Steve Moore!
8) 2006 – The Canucks trade with Florida for rising star goaltender Roberto Luongo (Dan Cloutier entered the Witness Protection program in LA). The only problem? Luongo’s wife does not want to leave South Florida. Following protracted contract negotiations with Gina Luongo, she eventually relents and moves in to an estimated $11 million dollar penthouse in downtown Vancouver.
9) 2010 – At the Vancouver Olympics, Canadian hero Sidney Crosby scores the greatest goal in Canadian Hockey history. The overtime winner shatters Team USA and prevents a riot in downtown Vancouver! Everybody wins! Except for the US – which makes it even better!
10) 2011 – The Vancouver Canucks, a gritty and talented team led by Superstar Twins Daniel and Henrik Sedin; American Ryan Kesler and Luongo make the first run to the Cup for Vancouver in 17 years. In a series characterized by the Boston Bruins outscoring the Canucks by a wide-ish margin (27-8) it runs the gamut to seven games. Despite blatent Referee bias, Tim Thomas having some kind of magic power and every single Canuck being injured – they lose a heartbreaker 4-0. Vancouver riots.
All Rights Reserved. Copywrite 2011.
The Cover Corner - A Whole World of Sports 