Coming in 2011: The NBA…locked out.
The Tagline: What if there was a world with no jump shots? No bounces passes? No slam dunks? No…Steve Nash? Welcome to the 2011 NBA Season: LOCKED OUT!
The Plot: For decades, rich owners and rich players have battled over a variety of factors: salaries, revenues, why LeBron inexplicably collapses at key times…now, all these factors have lead to the Owners invoking a last resort protocol: Lockout 2011. As the players union, struggles to hold onto their ridiculously overpriced members (Carter, Vince; Lewis, Rashard) their leader, a wily vet (played uncannily by someone resembling Derek Fisher) struggles to hold things together. How will the players deal with the Lockout 2011 Protocol? How will the owners? Most importantly as this dramatic piece sweeps onward, how will the fans?
The NBA is locked out.
A lockout is a terrible, terrible thing for the NBA on the heels of its most popular and successful season since someone named Michael Jordan played for a title against the Utah Mormons. The league is poised to position itself atop the food chain of Pro leagues in the USA. Do not believe me? In the past twelve months we had the following:
– The best player in the world, LeBron James, inexplicably collapses against the Boston Celtics during their second round series amid rumors that one his teammates had an affair with his mother!
– An epic 7 game Finals featuring a rubber match between the aging Celtics and aging Lakers in which Kobe Bryant had what may amount to the worst Championship series of his career and yet was still voted MVP. Additionally, it gave us this:
– LeBron James went on television to announce where he was going to play the following season. Given that he was making a huge deal about having an hour long television special just to announce his “decision” we all assumed he was heading to Cleveland. Then, the biggest hero in the NBA uttered the words “Next season…I’m taking my talents to South Beach.”
– The only remaining question before the 2010/2011 season started? How to follow up an ill-advised, ill-concieved TV special? How could LBJ sink any lower at that point? Well…
– The 2010 World Basketball Championships in Istanbul was an intro to the world for Kevin Durant who served notice that he was well on his way to making the leap from Superstar to Super-Duper Star when he helped the US overcome tough competition minus 99% of the NBA’s huge stars (though, with future MVP DRose, and all-stars in waiting Russell Westbrook and Kevin Love)
– The most hated team in the NBA (my team, the Miami Heat) kicks off their season to the type of vehemence never before directed at a pro sports team that is not the New York Yankees. People hate them and cheer when the team starts off 9-8. Of course from that point on they rip off a 22 game winning streak and begin to totally dominate.
– Suddenly the league has a ton of amazing point guard talent: DRose, Westbrook, Rondo, John Wall, Mike Connolly, Ray “Sh-tty D-Wade” Felton…
– The most epic NBA Playoffs in recent memory kicks off with some astounding upsets: namely the fact that the Memphis Grizzlies call out the #1 seeded San Antonio Spurs and then proceed to absolutely dominate them. Immediately followed by Rajon Rondo breaking his arm and continuing to play against the Miami Heat. The Heat go on to destroy Boston and Chicago en route to a highly anticipated matchup with…the Dallas Mavericks (who swept the Lakers…and Kobe Bryant).
– LeBron James shames MVP DRose with ridiculous scoring, shut down D and some of the best basketball this planet has ever witnessed. We finally feel as if LBJ is making the leap that was always possible for him…
– Miami appears to be cruising to the 2011 NBA, up by 15 points in Game 2 when LeBron the team falls apart (not the entire team as DWade and Chris Bosh do all they can to win). In Games 4-6 LBJ disappears from the floor…completely inexplicably, leading to rumors his girlfriend, Savannah, is having an affair with (the better paid than LBJ) Rashard Lewis.
– With some many unanswered questions for next year, incredibly talent rich and with more momentum than ever before…the NBA locks out.
For some franchises, the lockout would seem to sound the death knell for their aging players. Players who had one more run in them before time took too much of a toll for them to be viable title contenders.
But could the lockout potentially be benefical for some players / teams?
Absolutely it will! The Celtics / Lakers / Spurs / Mavs all now have time to rest, get healthy and take some serious time off. A few days ago it was announced that Kobe Bryant had surgery in Germany on his knees. Would Kobe have had this surgery if not for the lockout? Not a chance! Kobe would be playing through pain and slowly becoming less and less of a factor on the court. Now? In early December we will see a pissed-off, well-rested, potentially healed Mamba hell bent on proving he is not past his prime and aching for a 6th title.
For teams that have aging stars, this lockout could prove to be a very good thing. It would give these players a real shot at resting for the first time in their careers and could rejuvinate them. On the other hand, it could also sound the death knell because by the time the league returns these players will no longer be able to provide the superstar contributions which they are counted on to bring with them.
In the 2011 Playoffs we saw the passing of the torch from the previous generation of NBA superstars. This is LeBron, DRose, Durant, Wade and Randolph’s league now.
When they return from the lockout though, will the older generation be so willing to concede their position now that they have had time to rest and reflect?
Unfortunately we will have to wait to find out.
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